Over the year’s I have saw some strong couples check into the heart break hotel, Single and out of their relationship’s. For a good few years i was one of them entering myself into unhealthy and toxic relationships that seemed to damage my emotional and mental health rather than make me stronger. I felt consistently hurt and vulnerable and often was naive in believing in such fantasy’s like Carrie Bradshaw and big and even the Disney princesses from back in the 1980s was real. I really wanted to believe in love and find companionship that was honest, true and supported rather than another disappointment until… I met Alex and our relationship was going strength to strength until the honeymoon glaze wore off and the hard work truly settled. I wanted to break apart what went wrong before and learn new ways to make our relationship work for the better.
I get asked a lot how me and Alex have made things work through so much hardship? How are we still happy? what’s the secret to finding that moment of utter bliss still remaining in your relationship ? Well i am about to share my secrets so grab a cuppa this is going to be a long one.
The first thing and its the obvious is Communication. We made a vow to never with hold any information from each other, be that embarrassing or boring. We promised that it was essential to keep our relationship open and flowing with information. Sometimes keeping the communication barrier open can be tough and over time you can find that you don’t particularly want to share information with your partner because how they might act or respond to the information. Especially with boyfriends/partners who can become easily over protective or have regular visits from the green eyed jealously monster. I know it’s hard sometimes to open up but it is the best thing for your relationship. if you’re anxious about telling your partner something stand in front of mirror and look at yourself and speak out loud once you become used to saying it you will have confidence in yourself and confidence in you’re words.
The Second step is Venting now this sounds like a girl 101 intervention but really its the opposite, if me and Alex are frustrated with an aspect of life be that money or work, we will vent this out be that in tears or shouting and it can be seen as if we are arguing and we are in a way but its a controlled argument that comes with a healing process at the end, i shall explain. So for example i am stressed about my work load and my deadlines i will rant about this, expressing my stress and worries and then Alex would vent out about stuff that is bothering him and vent it out, From this we then communicate and discuss why are we feeling this way? what can we do to make things better? then we self soothe each other providing reassurance and support. I often find from past experience things were covered up or concealed and then a huge argument filled with suppressed feelings would emerge and then these arguments would keep reoccurring until we would call it quits.Of course me and Alex argue, it is a healthy sign if couples argue but what isn’t healthy is when these arguments become toxic and emotionally draining filled with ‘This is all your fault’ and ‘You don’t care about me’. I would start by just sitting down with your partner and saying look i have a lot of stuff on my mind about our relationship and i need to talk to you about it.
The third step is equality us girls are filled with this idea that the right man will treat you right and will spoil you with perfume and chocolates, make you feel like the queen of his world. But when you look at the reality this isn’t reality. Men can feel a lot of pressure in a relationship to pay out and to be that ‘romantic guy’ but sometimes we forget how stressed and over whelmed men can feel, they put a lot of pressure on themselves to be our ideals and ‘provider’ but this has to change. It takes two to tango and a relationship cannot simply come from one person financially funding the whole operation. Girl’s of the nation surprise your man, treat him! don’t be afraid to reverse the roles. Men love to be surprised and i make it my goal to make myself give back just as much as Alex put’s in. This is great fun and really can put a spark back into that suffering flame. Why don’t you pay and treat your guy to a meal and he can do it next time. Starting up a nice tradition and making each other feel appreciated. This can be difficult in a ever fast moving relationship but at the end of the day we just all want to be loved and appreciated by someone else and this is a great way to relight the fire.
The fourth step is trust. If you’re relationship isn’t filled with elements of trust how can you’re relationship progress? Once you have doubt you cannot go back. Doubt is extremely poisonous it festers into all aspects of our concious and sub concious. Any amount of doubt usually begins small until it begins to consume a lot of different elements then anxiety can niggle it’s way in and you are left an absolute wreck because of all that doubt you have suppressed. Believe me i have fallen victim to doubt and from this i have lost trust within my relationships.None of us want to assume that our lad is a snake in the grass but it often happens and can unfortunately be true. Infidelity ruins more relationship’s than anything else. If anyone reading this plans to be unfaithful at one point in their relationship please just leave that relationship, believe me hand on heart being cheated on is the worst feeling and it can make trusting someone again very hard and taxing. We put put trust in our mothers during growth and birth and all through our lives we seek people we can confined in and trust especially when considering a partner. If you are worried about you’re other half confront them, speak to them about it, express your concerns and don’t let any doubt cloud your mind or judgement. Me and Alex have had moments of doubt and i have shamefully doubted his love for me and our relationship. But with time and a lot of work on both our parts i feel i can trust Alex with anything, I have never been afraid to share things with him be that emotionally, sexually or mentally.
Our relationship isn’t perfect, but we look at the imperfections and perfections and i love that we are flawed and not afraid to admit our flaws. I would never sugar coat my relationship because what’s the point? the truth of the matter is behind closed doors everyone does the same thing and why should this be seen as such a taboo? we see celebrities and their perfectly painted relationship’s in the tabloids and social media, we see that Kim K is on holiday in 5* hotel in Cuba with Kanye and we think if only that was me, But who is to say they aren’t arguing and Kanye is camping on the sofa? we shouldn’t assume that just because something seems good that it actually is. Real couples argue and cry and worry that it’s all coming to the crossroads but really its about hard work and love and making sure that you are both happy.
‘A true relationship is someone who accepts your past, Supports you’re present, Loves and encourages your future’
I hope this post has been insightful and informative to some or maybe just an interesting read but I have really enjoyed sharing this aspect of my life and i look forward to writing more personal based post’s in my future/